To Hope
In memory of my daughter
Hope Williams (2016)
In 2016 my wife and I experienced child loss. Though we never got to hold our daughter we love and miss her deeply. This poem is written in her memory.
To Hope
Though I never heard you give the cry that I once gave on entering
A world that you will never know while in a place unending.
A home beyond the veil of tears that I so long to part
That you might hear my love for you and keep it in your heart.
Though I never saw you with a form like that which I do bear
A semblance of a my childhood self that eyes behold up there.
Whilst down below I look to stars where you are now at play,
And wish that you could see my joy, the sun for you this day.
Though I never touched your tender face or felt your softened hair
Or felt your hands pressed up to mine with fingers brown and fair.
If price were set to have all this by crossing river wide
Without a thought I’d surely pay to stand on other side.
That side where you would hear my voice,
That side where you would see my face,
That side where you would take my hand and walk around a wonderland.
But still between us is the veil unmoved by me to no avail,
And from the earth I see the lights that gleam as angels sing our tale.
A father who was powerless to save his little girl,
And then a Father powerful to raise her up becurled.
Sometimes I wish this Father came to lift my longing heart,
And come He does when you I miss with comforts to impart.
That solace in a single word that men like me invoke,
The name which I bestowed on you.
In life.
In death.
Hope.
The image featured in this post, Hope, is by Scotty J. Williams.
This poem is © Scotty J. Williams
16 years of pastoring!
16 years of pastoring
The anniversary of my licensing to the ministry
September 24, 2006
Gracious God, Help me to always be myself. Amen
This month I am celebrating sixteen years of pastoring, which began when I was licensed to preach by Morrison Baptist Church. Since then so much has changed in my life and personal faith, and I am grateful to everyone who has helped me along the path of ministry. Above all I am grateful to the Lord Who continues to give what I asked for at my licensing service. I prayed that I would always be myself in every call that I received.
As I look over numerous photos that chronicle my pastoral journey thus far, I hope for more years of pastoring as myself. Many things will change and there is still so much to learn, but, as I vowed to do sixteen years ago, I will always strive to serve Christ and His people with energy, intelligence, imagination, and love.
Speaking of photos, here are a few highlights from over the years.
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
2016
2017
2018
2019
2020
2021
2022
The image featured in this post, Minister’s License 2006, is by Scotty J. Williams.
A prayer on the death of Queen Elizabeth II
A Prayer on the death of Queen Elizabeth II
(1926-2022)
Here is a prayer that I have written on the passing of Queen Elizabeth II. Feel free to share and use it.
O King of Kings, Who is above all sovereigns and before Whom all that rule will bow, we thank You for the life of Queen Elizabeth and her years of faithful service. Though imperfect like all who govern, she sought the guidance of Your perfect will, and she sought to keep Your humble way which us greater than any crown or throne. Grant to her the eternal rest that is given to those who follow You, and grant to her family and all who mourn Your comfort, peace, and steadfast love. May her country in a sorrowful present find hope and joy for the future, and may her successor, King Charles III, rule with wisdom, courage, and a servant heart. We ask all this in Your gracious name; You Who live and reign with the Father and the Holy Spirit as one God, both now and forever. Amen.
The image featured in this post is by Owls1867 of pixabay.com and is free for public use.
Upcoming Conference: Master's Commission Auch
Upcoming Conference
Master's Commission Auch
November 2022
In November I will be speaking at a three-day conference for Master’s Commission Auch. In June I was privileged to take part at a Master’s Commission conference in Switzerland, and I look forward to seeing this amazing ministry in France.
For more information about Master’ Commission Auch, check out the video below.
The image featured in this post is from the Master’s Commission Auch 2022 Conference flyer.
SRF Interview (radio): Kirche ohne Rassismus – Nur ein Traum?
SRF Interview (Radio)
Kirche ohne Rassismus – Nur ein Traum?
In June of 2022 I was interviewed with the Rev. Sarah Vecera for an episode of SRF Kultur’s Kontext radio programm. The topic was how the Western Church could have a future without racism. Here is a recording of the program.
SRF Interview (video): Ich schloss mich in der Kirche ein und weinte
SRF Interview (Video)
«Ich schloss mich in der Kirche ein und weinte»
On June 28, 2022 I was interviewed by SRF [Schweizer Radio und Fernsehen] Kultur about my life as a person of color and experiences with racism in Switzerland. Here is a video of the interview.
Bundesfeiertagsgebet (A prayer for the first of August)
Bundesfeiertagsgebet
A prayer for first of August
Here is a prayer that I have written for Switzerland’s National Day. It is partly based on the Schweizerpsalm and Rütlischwur.
Heiliger Gott, der du in allen Dingen gegenwärtig bist und alle Orte erfüllst, wir danken dir, dass du in diesem Land wohnst, das wir heute feiern. Du hast es in vielerlei Hinsicht gesegnet, von seinen Bergen bis zu seinen Bewohnern, und du hast es durch alle Zeiten hindurch bewahrt, in Zeiten des Krieges und des Friedens. Du hast es auch zu einem Zufluchtsort für viele gemacht, die Zuflucht suchen, und zu einem Treffpunkt für die Völker, die in dieser Welt Gerechtigkeit suchen. Vergib uns, dass wir dieses Land oft für selbstverständlich gehalten haben, und befähige uns, es zu pflegen wie frühere Generationen. Generationen, die mit Glauben, Hoffnung und Liebe auf Dich blickten und mit Mut, Freundschaft und Freiheit zusammenstanden. In Deinem Namen beten wir. Amen.
Holy God, Who is present in all things and filling all places, we thank You that You dwell within this land which we now celebrate. You have filled it with many blessings from its mountains to its people, and throughout the ages you have kept it through times of war and peace. You have also made it a shelter for many seeking refuge, and a meeting point for the nations seeking justice in this world. Forgive us for many times that we have taken this land for granted, and enable us to care for it like generations past. Generations who looked to You with faith, hope, and love, and who stood together with courage, amity, and freedom. In Your name we pray. Amen.
The image featured in this post is by Nadine Marfurt of unsplash.com and is free for public use.
UPDATE: Life Since All Souls
Grief
It has been seven months since the end of All Souls Protestant Church, and many have been wondering if I am OK. After all, it was not easy to lose a Church that I planted and nurtured for six years through the ups and downs of congregational life. To be honest, closing All Souls greatly wounded my pastoral heart, and it made me give much consideration to walking away from ministry.
When a congregation ends it is like the death of a loved one. In fact, it is a death with all the stages of grief. You go through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, with the added weight of leading others through these things as well. Furthermore, the death requires someone to pull the plug, and it felt like being a doctor and a chaplain at the same time. While turning off the machines I was also giving last rites and praying with the family.
The end of All Souls was indeed a wounding experience, but thankfully I have recovered and am on the road of healing. I am also overjoyed to have this call behind me, and though I miss its wonderful people I do not miss its constant pressures.
Church planting is like the Wizard of Oz. People think and feel a certain way until they look behind the curtain.
-Rev. Dr. Brien J Aadland
Stress
From the outside Church planters seem like the great and powerful Oz. In the eyes of many who behold them they are almost spiritual giants. But behind the holy smoke and fire is a curtain, which hides away a clergyperson being shrunk down from stresses. Certainly, all pastors feel strain of vocational ministry, but for Church planters it is amplified as they build up new communities. They do not have the resources or personnel of an established Church, and often have to fill the gaps while doing their pastoral work.
Looking back to All Souls I was more than just the pastor, I was the secretary, Sunday school leader, youth minister, HR person, and music coordinator. Each week I was doing the work of a small staff alone, and in a denomination where Church planting had never been done before. It was a struggle to translate my experiences to colleagues, who only knew ministry within traditional settings. Moreover, it was a constant challenge to see where All Souls fit in the denomination, for there were no statutes of fellowships to which it could belong. I was wearing many hats as a Presbyterian in another Reformed world, and as a foreigner who was often the non-White in the room.
There was so much stress that came with the blessings of serving All Souls, and it began to affect my health, family, friendships, and faith.
When you feel like God has put you on a shelf, you are being called to rest. Lean into that rest.
-Rev. Dr. Teddy Reeves
Rest
Three months after closing All Souls I felt like God had “benched” me, or put me on a shelf. This feeling came from a belief that I had failed, but as a colleague stated God was really calling me to rest. For quite some time I was overworked from planting, and needed a quiet break to avoid burning out. I needed a pause without the scream of obligations, and a time to refocus on the things that really matter. Sadly, I could only focus on keeping All Souls going, and had lost sight of what was most essential and important.
After showing me that God was calling me to rest, my colleague encouraged me lean into that rest. The essential and important things are what bring rejuvenation, and in my case they are family, friendships, and creativity. I realized that weeks had gone by where I neglected these gifts, so to lean into the rest I have focused on and enjoyed them. Each day I am intentional about spending time with my family, speaking or meeting with friends, and doing art and music. And through these gifts I have found strength and energy, and recaptured my love of ministry that was crumbling away.
Dr. Jemar Tisby says that resting is an act of obedience, which brings God delight and gives us freedom. As I currently lean into rest I am finding that my vision of God has changed, and there is no pressure, grief, or sense of failure. The Lord to me right now reaches out with a friendly heart, and has given me enriching and uplifting opportunities to use my gifts. Though not serving a parish I have been freely preaching, teaching, writing, and taking part in projects that are healing and fulfilling.
One really cool thing that I have done since All Souls is an interview with the Smithsonian.
Faith Of Our Fathers: Juneteenth Legends
Family Folklore
On Juneteenth I remember the freedom stories of my family; accounts embellished overtime of how our ancestors became free. My most favorite tells of forefathers in South Louisiana, who ran from French plantations and adopted English surnames. At that time a new group called “les Américains” had moved in; Protestant of Anglo and Scotch-Irish stock with unrefined speech and customs. Many old French Catholics kept away from these new neighbors, and this created a situation that was beneficial to slaves. They could run and hide away in the state’s American areas, where they would convert to Protestantism and take new patronymics.
My forefathers new religion and surnames were not African, but they helped them to have a better hand in exercising their agency. Each one of them wanted to reset the narrative for future generations, and this is one explanation for my family becoming “Williams”. According to our folklore, our fathers crossed streets and sometimes marshes, and when questioned by White Americans they would assert their new identity. There are also stories of Black Americans passing by, who would claim to be their relatives and validate their stories.
Plantations to Playgrounds
Last summer I visited places where my fathers might have been enslaved, and I marveled at the way my two-year-old son treated them. Unlike me, who walked about with a mournful reverence, he ran about the way he does at playgrounds in a park. As a toddler he was unaware of our deep family folklore, but he knew the joys hoped for by the people in its legends.
They hoped for families not split apart and sold away.
They hoped for work and rest at times of their own choosing.
They hoped to come and go without receiving permission.
They hoped to not be property, and live as human beings.
My son treating plantations like playgrounds, as Don Belton writes, is what our fathers prayed for. And if the legends about them are true then our English surname is the Amen to their prayers. But regardless of what is fact, the legends reveal a faith that goes beyond waiting. The legends reveal a belief in a good future that compels one to seek joy in the present. Despite ills like the constant threat of separation, our fathers still raised families, had moments of leisure, and saw themselves as people. They put feet on their prayers before running from their captors, and knew more than pain and struggle in bondage.
I often tell others to not pity my ancestors, and to not see them as only victims of oppression. Indeed, there were many things that were taken from them, but these things were not taken easily. Each man held a tight grip on what he loved, and this is why their captors were so brutal. Their hold on their wives, children, dignity, and humanity was so firm that they had to be ripped from them.
Legacy
My forefathers wished for their stories to not bring shame to show who heard them. They wanted them to bring a sense of pride as their descendants saw what they left them. As I recall their legends I cannot help but be proud, for among the myths within them shines a selfless love. This love is the truest part of my family’s folklore, a constant commitment to the well-being of others. Out of this commitment my fathers took the risk of running away, and hit the reset button for future generations. Their actions aimed for more than personal freedom, or the freedom of those they knew in their lifetime. My fathers cared for the well-being of people that they would never meet. They loved those like my son and I who bear a name they very well could have chosen.
Indeed, I can only be proud of my fathers whose faith and example inspires me today. Like them I walk the road of fatherhood in chaotic times, but their courage and sacrifice gives me hope for the future. These things also give me a proper set of values, that call me to focus on what matters in the present. And what matters, more than all of my great accomplishments, is the freedom to live as they longed to. To have a family without the fear of separation. To work and rest at my own volition. To come and go without a asking for permission. To be aware of and walking in my in full humanity.
What my fathers left behind is a legacy of love which I hope to pass on to future generations. But in the meantime I am passing it on to my son who I hold with a firm grip while telling their stories.
Aufbruch: Jahu Church
On May 24th I took part in a Youth and Young Adult Conference at the Jahu Landeskirchliche Gemeinschaft in Biel. The theme of this conference was “ME”, and focused on what it means to be a part of the Body of Christ in modern times.
