Grief

It has been seven months since the end of All Souls Protestant Church, and many have been wondering if I am OK. After all, it was not easy to lose a Church that I planted and nurtured for six years through the ups and downs of congregational life. To be honest, closing All Souls greatly wounded my pastoral heart, and it made me give much consideration to walking away from ministry.

When a congregation ends it is like the death of a loved one. In fact, it is a death with all the stages of grief. You go through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, with the added weight of leading others through these things as well. Furthermore, the death requires someone to pull the plug, and it felt like being a doctor and a chaplain at the same time. While turning off the machines I was also giving last rites and praying with the family.

The end of All Souls was indeed a wounding experience, but thankfully I have recovered and am on the road of healing. I am also overjoyed to have this call behind me, and though I miss its wonderful people I do not miss its constant pressures.

Church planting is like the Wizard of Oz. People think and feel a certain way until they look behind the curtain.

-Rev. Dr. Brien J Aadland

Stress

From the outside Church planters seem like the great and powerful Oz. In the eyes of many who behold them they are almost spiritual giants. But behind the holy smoke and fire is a curtain, which hides away a clergyperson being shrunk down from stresses. Certainly, all pastors feel strain of vocational ministry, but for Church planters it is amplified as they build up new communities. They do not have the resources or personnel of an established Church, and often have to fill the gaps while doing their pastoral work.

Looking back to All Souls I was more than just the pastor, I was the secretary, Sunday school leader, youth minister, HR person, and music coordinator. Each week I was doing the work of a small staff alone, and in a denomination where Church planting had never been done before. It was a struggle to translate my experiences to colleagues, who only knew ministry within traditional settings. Moreover, it was a constant challenge to see where All Souls fit in the denomination, for there were no statutes of fellowships to which it could belong. I was wearing many hats as a Presbyterian in another Reformed world, and as a foreigner who was often the non-White in the room.

There was so much stress that came with the blessings of serving All Souls, and it began to affect my health, family, friendships, and faith.

When you feel like God has put you on a shelf, you are being called to rest. Lean into that rest.

-Rev. Dr. Teddy Reeves

Rest

Three months after closing All Souls I felt like God had “benched” me, or put me on a shelf. This feeling came from a belief that I had failed, but as a colleague stated God was really calling me to rest. For quite some time I was overworked from planting, and needed a quiet break to avoid burning out. I needed a pause without the scream of obligations, and a time to refocus on the things that really matter. Sadly, I could only focus on keeping All Souls going, and had lost sight of what was most essential and important.

After showing me that God was calling me to rest, my colleague encouraged me lean into that rest. The essential and important things are what bring rejuvenation, and in my case they are family, friendships, and creativity. I realized that weeks had gone by where I neglected these gifts, so to lean into the rest I have focused on and enjoyed them. Each day I am intentional about spending time with my family, speaking or meeting with friends, and doing art and music. And through these gifts I have found strength and energy, and recaptured my love of ministry that was crumbling away.

Dr. Jemar Tisby says that resting is an act of obedience, which brings God delight and gives us freedom. As I currently lean into rest I am finding that my vision of God has changed, and there is no pressure, grief, or sense of failure. The Lord to me right now reaches out with a friendly heart, and has given me enriching and uplifting opportunities to use my gifts. Though not serving a parish I have been freely preaching, teaching, writing, and taking part in projects that are healing and fulfilling.