Pain

This morning I am getting ready for another day at the office, and thinking of the day before and doing what I love. While my job is pastoring it is more than a career. It is a happy place where all my gifts and interests can converge. It is also where my hyper-focus is most useful, and where my double empathy does not seem out of place. Yet, not so long ago I almost walked away from it. Away from a pain I never thought would come in ministry.

Of course I knew the Church has challenges for clergy, and seminary did its bets best to help me get prepared. Nevertheless, no class I took prepared me for Pandemics, and losing a congregation I had planted from the ground up. I was also not equipped for a strain on mental health, and burnout from Church structures that were focused on the past.

Peace

In the end, the ministry was taking more than it gave. So, I contemplated stepping down and hanging up my stole. The pastorate brought no peace and brought a sense of failure. Worst of all there was a constant loneliness each day, and the thought that I was thrown away no longer fit to preach. Thankfully, a number of clergy reached out from afar and one of them was a Lutheran named Awo Lynny Duncan.

Unlike me the Rev. Duncan was progressive and quite radical, but we both stood on a common ground as Black-American pastors. We were also Church-planters in White denominations, and we faced the same challenges while speaking as ourselves. While speaking with Lynny I found a voice that understood and pointed me to solaces where I could find peace. Lynny also challenged me to abandon people pleasing. A defence mechanism I had often used that held me back from peace.

Power

One memorable lesson that I learned from the Rev. Duncan was that walking away does not mean a giving up of power. Sometimes the weakest act is choosing to remain; another defence mechanism that had held me back from peace. By example Lynny helped me to overcome this weakness, and to walk away from contexts here I was merely tolerated. Lynny seemed to not waste time in dealing with such contexts, and intentionally chose places of appreciation and respect.

A few days ago I learned that Lynny passed away, and it is hard to think this colleague is no longer out there somewhere. Despite our differences on a variety of things, the presence of this pastor in the world was a relief. Somewhere out there Lenny was living life to the fullest, and constantly walking in power bringing peace to those in pain. I pray that all who mourn, and especially the Duncan family, would know the peace of Christ in this moment of pain. And I pray that we would also seek to walk in power and live life to the fullest till we breathe our final breaths.

Rest in peace Lynny and thank you for your friendship.